Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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