Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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