Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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