My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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