RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
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Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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