yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
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My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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