Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
