so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize