My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
