what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
