I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
