Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
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He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
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I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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