Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
