If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
