So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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