So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
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Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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