You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Randomize
