"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
