When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
