If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
