I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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