i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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