at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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