I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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