I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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