i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
