It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
