I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
