Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize