I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
