I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I've blown a few things in my day
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
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I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
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Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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