Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
