eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
