i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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