Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
