How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
