I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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