420 ftw
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
