I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
