just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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