she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
