Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
