bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
