Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
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They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
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I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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