Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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