I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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