I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
