Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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