Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize