So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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