It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
