his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
a search helicopter?!
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
