ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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