He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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