Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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