made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
