Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
