im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
