i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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