You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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