some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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