im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
