I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
