i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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